Dear Diary
by luvjonasbros
Summary: "I guess it's that time for your weekly Nate report, but tonight…tonight I don't have one. Tonight I realized a lot of things all from one simple television show, The Vampire Diaries." Naitlyn.Some swearing.


_You know it's been a long while since I've published anything on here, over a year I think, but I had the urge to write this tonight and publish it. It's not my best work, but the first half is based off my life and I thought it would be a good story. Hope you enjoy it!_

_AN: I don't own The Vampire Diaries or its characters. Along those same lines I do not own Camp Rock or it's characters. I only own the plot. _

**Dear Diary, **

**I guess it's that time for your weekly Nate report, but tonight…tonight I don't have one. Tonight I realized a lot of things all from one simple television show, **_**The Vampire Diaries.**_** Stupid I know, I mean how can you come to realizations by watching a television show? Well it's simple I guess, I just listened to the words and the meanings of the messages they had tonight and they spoke to me. **

**Let me start with how I even came about to watching the show. I had my cousins the whole day, we played, watched some tv, did some crafts, the usual things that I do with them every Thursday. Well after a long day with the kids I was able to spend some time by myself while they were with their parents; during that time I decided to watch some TV. I stumbled upon **_**The Vampire Diaries **_**and was immediately hooked, but unfortunately it was the 3****rd**** season on TV. To catch myself up I went to Netflix and started watching from the beginning. Now this is where I had my revelation. In the second episode Damon said, **

"_**I met a girl, we talked all night, but then the sun came up and reality set in, this is reality" **_

**and it made me realize what I want. I want to meet someone who I can talk to all night, and when the sun comes up he would still be there waiting to talk to me some more. I know that Nate and I can talk for hours on end about anything, heck half the time we fall asleep in the same bed because we keep talking, but when I wake up…when I wake up he's not there, he's never there. As I kept repeating that Damon's line in my head, over and over, I started to feel frustrated with myself. I am a 20-year-old college student who is still hung up on the first guy I fell for when I was 15! What's worse is that this guy knows that I like him, he's known for over a year and half, but I'm still here, still waiting for some sign that he may choose me over Dana. I'm still holding on to the damn line he fed me, **

"_**maybe if it were a different time, we could be definitely be something because I do like you, but I can't, not now at least". **_

**That damn line has kept me hoping that maybe, just maybe, one day it will be the right time. That maybe one day we will be able to be together, but we can't. How stupid am I for following him around like a lost puppy? I must be some sort of play thing to him, someone he can fool around with, talk to about an endless amount of things then throw her back in the closet until she's needed again. **

**Well I really just went off from my main point there, sorry for the rant diary; I'm just frustrated and upset. Damon's line in the show really showed me what I want from a guy. I need some sort of stability in my life, someone that will make reality a little bit better, someone who will talk to me about little things then bring them up again later. Nate can't be any of those things for me. He can't call and talk to me everyday, he can't show up to my apartment randomly to see me, heck he can't even answer his phone if I call him. Why? It's because I'm not important enough, I'm not Dana, I'm not his great reality, I'm just a person that he comes to when he needs me. **

**Now I know this may seem like I'm being hard on myself diary, but I'm not. I don't want to be Dana, I mean would I like to have Nate, or course, but I don't want to be her because I like being me. Nate means a lot to me, and he has meant a lot to me for a long time, but I think it's time that I let go of what I want reality to be, and embrace what reality really is because my reality is actually pretty great. I have the best friends and family a girl could ask for, I'm going to my dream college, and I'm learning more about myself everyday. Letting go of Nate will be hard for me, but it's what I need to do. **

**Until next week diary, **

**Caitlyn G. **

"I'm glad I got that off my chest" She said to herself while she put the diary away.

"What'd you get off your chest Caity?" The dirty blonde girl heard from my doorway and looked up to find his brown eyes looking at her intensely, as if daring her to lie

"Just some emotions Nate, you know I've always had to write them down so I don't explode at some point" she replied, continuing to put the diary away and get ready for bed.

"But isn't that why you have me Caity? You can confide in me you know, I won't tell a soul" He responded while crossing the room and taking a seat on her purple clad bed.

"That's beside the point baldy. When did you get your hair cut so short?" Caitlyn asked while messing with his somewhat buzz cut.

"Well I decided I needed some changes in my life, and my hair just seemed like a good change. I've had 'crazy curls', as the fanbase has put it, for so many years that I wanted to cut it. Shane and Jason have cut their hair loads of times, having a different haircut for a while, why can't I" Nate replied as if she had offended him in some way.

"Sorry Mr. Grumpy, I didn't mean to insinuate you couldn't change. Look I'm going to go take a shower, why don't you leave, it doesn't seem like you want to be here anyways" She spoke while grabbing her pj's refusing to show the hurt on her face.

"Caitlyn, I'm sorry it's just been a rough day…" Nate started, "Don't worry I get it, lots going on with the band and Dana. Believe me I'm used to seeing you here when you have a rough day with either of them. I'm going to take a shower, stay or leave, it's whatever" Caitlyn cut him off, still frustrated from her many realizations and rants she had just previously finished. With that she took off down the hall to her bathroom hoping, for once, that Nate would actually leave.

Thirty minutes later Caitlyn was glad that she had just gotten out of the shower, this way she could blame her red eyes on the shampoo instead of the crying she had been doing while in the shower. She didn't mean to cry, she didn't want to and normally she was strong enough to not cry, but she couldn't stop this time. Caitlyn knew that part of her letting him go mean losing him and that was hard on her. Clad in her dance shorts and Connect 3 concert tee she slowly walked down the hall to her room. Her hopes of not seeing him in her room quickly vanished as she saw him lying on her bed, with what looked to be tears in his eyes.

"You know I realized something when you were in the shower Caity" Nate spoke, lying on her back staring at the ceiling.

"And what was that Nathaniel?" She asked as she lied down next to him, but still keeping distance.

"That I haven't been around much, I come and talk to you a some points, hell I even fall asleep here half the time, but I'm not really here. I'm always thinking about something else when I'm with you, and that's not fair to you" Nate said, then abruptly sat up.

"I understand why though Nate," Caitlyn started as she rose to sit next to him "I'm your sounding board, I always will be. I'm here to listen to you and what's going on in your life, I'm here to help you realize what all is happening in it"

Nate put his head in his hands, hunched over, his plaid shirt wrinkling, "The thing is that every time I come here I come to tell you something, but I never actually get it out. It's like I'm afraid that if I say it than you'll reply with what I don't want to hear" Caitlyn could tell his frustration from his voice and knelt on the floor to look him in the eyes.

"Nate, you should _never_ be afraid to tell me anything. I am that one person who won't judge you because you've seen me at my lowest, at my most fragile; I know what it's like to not have the answer you want given to you. So don't you ever be afraid to tell me anything." She knew that he would catch on to her example, but all she could hope for was that the speech she gave would help him open up to her.

"I broke up with Dana six months ago" Nate whispered, hoping she would really hear it.

"Wha…What?" she rolled back to sit down normally on the floor.

"We weren't working because there were things distracting me and I didn't want to drag her along anymore. It wouldn't be fair to her, so I broke it off." He said, refusing to look anywhere except for the floor.

"But you've been coming over for the last six months still talking about her, and I've seen you all go out since then" Caitlyn said, still shocked from his confession

"I lied" was all he could respond with.

"Why?"

"Because it gave me something to talk to you about, it was a way for me to see if you were jealous at all, gauge your reaction, but I never got a reaction." Nate said finally looking Caitlyn in the eyes.

"You weren't going to get one either" she replied coolly, frustration etched on her face, pain reflecting in her hazel eyes.

"Why?" Nate asked this time

"Because I learned long ago that if I wanted to keep you in my life I needed to mask my feeling and emotions when you brought her up with me. I didn't want my jealousy to drive you away" Caitlyn said standing up and pacing her room.

"Why did you need to mask your emotions Caity?" Nate asked as he stood and stopped her from pacing

"Because what I feel for you, you could never imagine, but I'm done Nate" she screamed the last part then continued to scream "I'm done waiting for you, I'm done being here for you if you don't even have the decency to tell me things that you know would affect our relationship" tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Caity…" He tried to cut her off as he held her close to his chest, trying to calm her down

"Leave please" she told him in a soft but firm tone as her tears had stopped.

"No, because you are going to listen to what I say Caitlyn" Nate said firmly, making sure his brown eyes pierced her hazel ones "I made a mistake Caity. When you told me you liked me last year I was so confused. I knew I was supposed to be upset because you had told me this when I had just started things with Dana again, but I was happy, I was thrilled because you felt the same about me. Look I know I gave you that stupid line about how it wasn't the time, but if I could go back in time I would take it back. I should have broken up with Dana that night, but I didn't because I was stupid. I was stupid, and afraid, and naïve about love; I thought it would always be there, but as time passed I noticed you slowly taking steps away from me and tonight when you called me out about her and the band it clicked. Look I understand if you don't like me anymore Caitlyn and I know that I deserve to be put in that same place that I put you in last year, but I need you to know that I love you. I love you so much Caitlyn that it hurts to see you sleeping after we talk because I know that I can't be there when you wake up. It hurts to know that when I go on tour I'm not going to see you because you can't come with us. It hurts to know that I miss my chance last year because I am so in love with you" Nate broke eye contact as he finished his monologue. He grabbed his jacket from the bed and started for the door.

"Nate, please wait" she asked as she approached him in her doorway. "Nate everyone makes mistakes, but it's the people who admit them and try to fix it that get forgiven. I still love you Nate and I have since we were at Camp Rock. Please just stay and lets talk things through and figure our where we are headed" Caitlyn pleaded as she took his hand in hers.

"Okay" was all he replied as he was pulled to the bed again.

**Dear Diary, **

**It's strange how people can change their minds so quickly. It's like one minute they are set on one path then something tiny like a spider will make them rethink their way. I guess that's what happened to Nate and I. I was dead set on getting over him, maybe cutting him out of my life if I need, but then he changed it, he changed my plan. We talked for hours last night as he held me in his arms; we talked about everything that has happened between us. How he wanted to take back that line he had fed me the moment it came out of his mouth. We talked about how I just blocked my emotions from him because I didn't want to see jealous. We even talked about getting married, having a family, growing old together, and you know what? That talk wasn't even scary, we were actually both really happy about because we knew that it was going to happen. Last night was a sign for me, it was actually pretty funny too. What was it you may ask? Well it was Damon's line from the show. Because last night I re-met the guy I fell in love with, we talked all night, and then the sun came up and reality set in, a reality that's better than my dreams. **

**Another time, **

**Caitlyn G.**

_Well I hope you enjoyed the story, if you did awesome, if you didn't...well sorry 'bout that, maybe next time.  
I'm currently finishing up another Naitlyn, so hopefully that will be up soon!_

_~Marina_


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